I realized that I had not found a spiritual or logical home the first time I lunched with the local atheists' meetup group.
What happened? A grand philosophical overturning? A blast of holy light? Someone under-tipping? No, nothing so vast or so tiny, but far more revealing.
Someone sneezed, and no one said anything.
Have you stopped laughing? Thank you. Now consider this.
Why do we say "Bless you" or something equally meaningless and well-meaning when someone sneezes? Do we still believe that the heart stops for one beat, and a verbal blessing from an onlooker might get it started again? Or is it simply a part of the social contract under which we were raised?
"How are you?" "Fine, thanks."
"How ya doin'?" "Great."
"Bon appetit." "Merci."
"Merci." "De rien."
"Efharisto." "Tipota."
"Kak dela?" "Harasho."
"Kalo dromo." "Na eisai kala."
"Thank you." "You're welcome."
And, of course...
Are any of those exchanges, gestures, verbal ticks, meant literally? Maybe, maybe not. But it's not the 'truth' about them that matters. They are a few of the trillions of ways in which we reconfirm our connections to others, even (maybe especially) strangers. Who has not been confined with total strangers in, say, a bus, an elevator, on a movie queue, when someone sneezes? What inevitably happens? After a short pause, someone else, another total stranger, says, "Bless you," or the local equivalent. And the whole group relaxes.
We are pack animals - social creatures - first, religious beings somewhere further down that list. Social creatures know what to expect of one another, and how to fulfill others' expectations themselves, so that the people around them, friends or strangers, feel easy in their company. Knowing that they know how to behave and so the pack will get along together, and the members will flow through other packs without friction or misunderstanding. "Sorry" "No problem" and "Achoo" "Bless you" are quick verbal shorthand for that willingness to flow. The group - and members of a group who are out all alone - can feel reassured.
Is "Bless you" truly religious behavior? Should an atheist or a member of some religious group that doesn't do blessings feel insulted, demeaned or misunderstood? No member of that lunch group would have hesitated to thank another for passing the salt, to apologize for stepping on another's foot, to greet an new arrival or say goodbye to a departer. But to offer that single, simple, well-meant and essentially meaningless word stopped the whole social machine cold.
Can't we find some more entertaining way to be offended? Please? Thank you.
What happened? A grand philosophical overturning? A blast of holy light? Someone under-tipping? No, nothing so vast or so tiny, but far more revealing.
Someone sneezed, and no one said anything.
Have you stopped laughing? Thank you. Now consider this.
Why do we say "Bless you" or something equally meaningless and well-meaning when someone sneezes? Do we still believe that the heart stops for one beat, and a verbal blessing from an onlooker might get it started again? Or is it simply a part of the social contract under which we were raised?
"How are you?" "Fine, thanks."
"How ya doin'?" "Great."
"Bon appetit." "Merci."
"Merci." "De rien."
"Efharisto." "Tipota."
"Kak dela?" "Harasho."
"Kalo dromo." "Na eisai kala."
"Thank you." "You're welcome."
And, of course...
Are any of those exchanges, gestures, verbal ticks, meant literally? Maybe, maybe not. But it's not the 'truth' about them that matters. They are a few of the trillions of ways in which we reconfirm our connections to others, even (maybe especially) strangers. Who has not been confined with total strangers in, say, a bus, an elevator, on a movie queue, when someone sneezes? What inevitably happens? After a short pause, someone else, another total stranger, says, "Bless you," or the local equivalent. And the whole group relaxes.
We are pack animals - social creatures - first, religious beings somewhere further down that list. Social creatures know what to expect of one another, and how to fulfill others' expectations themselves, so that the people around them, friends or strangers, feel easy in their company. Knowing that they know how to behave and so the pack will get along together, and the members will flow through other packs without friction or misunderstanding. "Sorry" "No problem" and "Achoo" "Bless you" are quick verbal shorthand for that willingness to flow. The group - and members of a group who are out all alone - can feel reassured.
Is "Bless you" truly religious behavior? Should an atheist or a member of some religious group that doesn't do blessings feel insulted, demeaned or misunderstood? No member of that lunch group would have hesitated to thank another for passing the salt, to apologize for stepping on another's foot, to greet an new arrival or say goodbye to a departer. But to offer that single, simple, well-meant and essentially meaningless word stopped the whole social machine cold.
Can't we find some more entertaining way to be offended? Please? Thank you.
